Tuesday, March 09, 2010
My NYT's Wedding Announcement
Greta On Her Wedding Day
Dr. richardporter PhD.*, son of Dr. Charles Darwin
Porter and Susan B. Anthony Porter, in defiance of
an equestrian lawsuit filed by the animal rights
organization PETA, and having being sentenced in
absentia in the great state of Alabama for crimes
against nature, wed his long time companion and test
lab specimen, Greta Watts G.E.D., an aboriginal
monkey from Yulee, Florida. The right honorable
Dr. Ringley Jr. officiated. Eddie Cantor cantored
and served light refreshments.
She is the daughter of Almagail Bigtail, a howler
monkey, veteran singer, and dancer, who, by the
way, is teaming up with another veteran howler,
Joan Rivers, to perform Brects "Mother Courage
and Her Children" at the Public.
One guest complained of the 'semian like noises'
emanating from the bride throughout the cermony
labeling it "unsettling". Another guest in a similar
vein complained of a foul odor coming from some
of the guests. One guest described the smell as
'feral'. At the request of the groom, the cermemony
made no mention of supernatural beings or Chichita
Dr. richardporter, 34, is in his 16th year of residency
in a government sponsored program aimed at re-
introducing Yorkshire Terriers back into the wild.
He is the son of a tenured professor of anthropology
at Columbia University, who, when giving the toast,
admonished the guests against interspecies marriage
warning them: "What's next, Sarah Palin for President?"
He also noted that "George W. Bush is the exception
that confirms the rule," while simultanously feeding Ms.
Rivers a peanut.
The bride's Father, Marty Watts, a silver backed gorilla,
and part-time barber to the stars, and great grandson of
Cheeta, had to be tranquilized and forcible removed
from the ceremony after another guest cut him off in the
buffet line. One guest remarked, "You hate to see it
when that happens".
The bride wore white, but instead of tossing the
traditional garter belt she instead bared her teeth at the
freightened unwed female attendees and threw feces on
The couple will vacation in the Galapolus Islands where
they hope to attract a cult following to support their unique
[For more information visit their website:
* Dr. richardporter's degree could not be confirmed by
Bringham Young University