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7/3/11

Closing Barks in the Casey Anthony Trial

Jeff Ashton

Jeff Ashton went at it for 90 minutes. The tot-mom Casey Anthony should be found guilty, according to the prosecution. While I wish he could have spent a little more time on the duct tape, and the forensics of the case, Mr. Ashton slam-dunked his opportunity by providing the "why." According to the state's side, Ms. Anthony killed her child Caylee because she was all that was standing between Casey's desired way of life, the "bella vita," and the one thrust upon her by her parents when she became a mother. Mr. Ashton, a parent himself, went on to say that Caylee was getting older, she was beginning to talk, and because children don't know enough to lie, she was going to be the perfect foil for Casey's lies. There was no nanny. There was no rich boyfriend who had a child Caylee's age. There was no Disney character breakfast. Caylee would be Grandma's stooge; the fly in Casey's jar of vaseline. Casey's "bella vita" was shown to her by Tony Lazarro, a DJ at Fusion. He gave her status. She was Head of the Shot Girls! Now there's a distinction for your permanent records. My daughter once, at 16, reported excitedly to me she'd scored 6,000,000,000 or other on some video game when she was in boarding school. "Fabulous!" I exclaimed. "We'll put it on your college applications! I'm sure they'll be impressed!"

Mr. Baez is having problems with his closing argument. First, Judge Perry shot down the molestation defense which Mr. Baez neither proved nor even addressed in all his examining. Lee, her brother was called to the witness stand numerous times and Mr. Baez never even addressed the accusation he made in his opening statement that Lee molested Casey, or maybe George did. Or maybe Roy Kronk did. In a world that crosses its t's and dots all the i's, Mr. Baez drops the ball.

The only time I've ever seen Ms. Casey cry is when the defense talked about what a victim she is. During her father's tearful testimony, her mother's breaking down, even her brother being so overcome with emotion on the stand he had to sit out for a minute and recollect his composure, she never shed a tear. Through all the state's evidence, the duct tape, the tiny skull belonging to her daughter, even when they superimposed the tape over the baby's face, and there was a literal gasp from one or two jurors, we were all in tears. Vinnie Politan was screaming through his tears on the TV. Everyone was affected. But our Ms. Casey sat there pouting, giving the prosecutors her evil eye, no emotion, no remorse, no longing.

She had made a decision, Mr. Ashton said in his closing arguments. Caylee was the only thing that stood in Casey's way between the life her parents wanted her to lead, and the life she decided she had to have. She made a conscious decision to sacrifice that child so she could be "Head of the Shot Girls." Oy.

Well you know she's not Jewish. Are you kidding me? "Oy? Head of the What? Here. Here's a book. Sit down and read. Where's the baby? Are you reading to the baby? She's so smart she's going to Harvard someday!"

Casey: Mom, I have to go dancing!
Jewish mom: Dancing? What, in the ballet? You? Look. Here. Here's a book. Sit down and read!
Casey: Mom, I HAVE to go to this party. Tony's going to be there.
Jewish mom: Tony? What kind of a name is Tony? What's his father do? Is his mother in Hadassah? What party? Oy. I don't know what's wrong with you, you always have to party? Here. Here's a book. Now sit down and read! And then read to your daughter. Have a blini. Have a little cream cheese, it's from the deli - your favorite. Tony, you mean like Mel Torme? A goy?
Jewish Dad: Oy, what's with all the noise? Can't I have a bite to eat without everybody screaming? Casey. Listen to your mother. You'll give her a heart attack. What head of the shot girls? How does she come up with this stuff? Oy. You'd better start reading or you'll end up being the Shot Girls' Cleanup. Listen to your mother! My heart. I can't breathe! I've gotta live to hear this? Oy vey is mer!

Of course, if Casey was Jewish she never would have gotten pregnant in the first place. I'd never really understood the concept of the "Virgin Mary" the Catholics like until I put it in terms of my Jewish girlfriends. They're all "virgins," too, regardless of how many kids they've had, provided they got taken out to dinner and a movie first. Totally respectable. You know.

None of my Jewish girlfriends ever aspired to be Head of the Shot Girls. They all turned out to be doctors, lawyers, judges, writers,photographers, directors, journalists. They all had kids.

And they're all still "virgins."

And not one of them would ever dream of sacrificing their most prized possession to be Head of the Shot Girls. Oy give me a break!

(Posted by richardporter for pixelasana)