My Introduction at the Funeral

For you that may have missed the services I’d like to recount for you the introduction I received by the gracious wife of Gov. Rick Perry - Anita Perry.

"I have the pleasure today to introduce to you a man who single handedly challenged Einstein's theory of relativity and lived to tell about it; a certified card carrying member of the Flat Earth Society; a man who re-opened the Scopes Monkey trial on the basis of DNA research and a cartoon drawing found within the Dead Sea Scrolls.  A man, who using only a dixie-cup and some string solved the famous conundrum: is the glass half empty or half full?  And when asked by a stranger the time of day replied: "It's none of your goddamn business."  Please put your hands together and help me welcome to the podium my dear good friend and colleague, and wannabe feather-weight champion of the world, richardporter."